“But we’ve been together for X number of years… I can’t throw that away.”
I’ve heard this a billion times. I usually want to slap the person senseless. This statement is terrifyingly untrue. Anyone who’s been exposed to ultra-basic economics will know about the Sunk Cost. Love is just so irrational.. damn you love!
Sunk Cost: a cost that you have already incurred and that you cannot recover. – c2.com
BAM. Cannot. Recover.
Giving him more time? Your man still won’t somehow rewind into yesteryear’s Edward Cullen to your faithful Bella. Staying with someone because you’ve been staying with him is circular bunk. Soon you might catch yourself identifying with victims of the Stockholm syndrome!
It’s bewildering to think about your relationship in terms of what it isn’t. But making decisions based on nostalgia for what is forever irretrievable makes even less sense.
So your significant other that’s been at your side forever? He isn’t yours to have. ‘Having’ a long-term relationship and ‘having’ a boyfriend is pure delusion. All you have is yourself–and that’s who you need to love the most.
Stay Pretty. and Smart.
Don’t before the 3rd date.
This is a classic rule that some females religiously follow. Don’t have sex with the guy until the 3rd date. We want him to become captivated with our delightful personality. Enchant him with our allure and mystique before allowing entrance into the only temple that all (straight) men still want to enter–provided they aren’t entering other temples elsewhere.
The problem is, most guys are aware of this rule. You make him wait a couple weekends in anticipation of the Big Night. He knows it’s coming up, and is planning on plying you with booze to make sure he isn’t disappointed. You succumb to his advances after a handful of Blue Hawaiians, confident in your pre-emptive strategizing. After all, you waited until the 3rd date. Now that the cat’s out of the bag, you can perhaps plan a couples’ getaway. Sexual intimacy takes the relationship to the next level, right? He called you beautiful just yesterday!
Wrong. After a week, your smartphone doesn’t vibrate very often. No call in days. Sound familiar? You start getting the sinking feeling that he’s become yet another bedpost notch that didn’t get etched deep enough. You drunk message him or even drunk dial after a rowdy girls’ night–even a bootycall would suffice. Your dignity is in shreds.
weeding out the commitment-phobic since 1969
The moral of this story is, THERE’S NO MAGIC NUMBER. Making him wait 3 or 30 dates is still rubbish if your focus is on sex with him. Focus on yourself first.
3 is an arbitrary number that was probably chosen by a guy to guarantee other guys a surefire Big Night. Unless you are so out of his league that you issue pity-sex dates, don’t give in to your own libido until you can’t help it. And when you can’t help it, go read 50 Shades of Grey. By yourself.
“It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” – Lord Alfred Tennyson
Or is it?
Like any other female with a biological clock, it’s only a matter of time before you’re waylaid by panicky feelings of discomfort when weddings and baby showers start littering your schedule like raccoons at Stanley Park. Doubts about whether you’ll find the One before 30 start surfacing. You may start to reason away previous standards set for dating, like that one about how he’s still in second year at UBC and a Phi Theta.
Being single is hard. It’s even harder when when your friends aren’t.
As a quarter-life female that just successfully overcame a ‘who am I?’ episode, I know it’s difficult to rise above that primal procreative drive. But the fact of the matter is that we must. There are too many couples that are together from a weak sense of self. They can’t be alone without being lonely.
This is why the most valuable favour we can do ourselves is to stay single until we can smile without a man’s presence. Commit to loving yourself. The world will see, and the rest will follow.